Monday, July 27, 2009

But Is It Free?

At the Guitar Toss on Saturday, a herd of churchies invaded the area, handing out flyers. The music store always cordons off a large area for the band tent, sound man, the guitar toss area, and of course space for people to watch the bands. One of the store workers noticed the invading horde and went to talk to the portly woman who seemed to be in charge (the most pushy of the herd). I could see the employee pointing to the portion of the parking lot outside of their area, likely instructing her to get the hell out of their space and peddle their shit elsewhere. That was the church woman who'd previously handed a flyer to me before I knew that it was or what they were. I dropped it into the trash. As we were walking to our car later, that same rotund woman had stopped a car driving through the strip mall's main lane through the parking lot. There were 2 or 3 cars behind them, wanting to get through. Cripes. Leave people the fuck alone! Then we noticed the flyers on everybody's windshields. Kim grabbed it so we could recycle it, but not before scanning it so all of you can make fun of it too.

It's a classic case of why home desktop publishing can be a really, really bad idea. It's also one of the best (hence, funniest) cases of how some people think that quotation marks should be used to accent or embolden a word or phrase, to make it stand out. What they don't understand is that quotes make something fake/false sound as if it were real/true, hence the many laughs I got out of this one, along with the art and overall typographic and layout skills. As always, click to biggify. The red circles and comments are mine, because I'd hate for you to miss any of the gaffes.

But, ya know, being that it's one of these religious nutcase groups, it could very well be that you won't receive or win any actual free gifts if you show up, but instead you will get a sermon in the form of a bike that helps you travel down god's path, or they'll all sing their jesus songs at you, in the form of a human "I–pod". That's the "free tunes".


Anonymous said...

You're welcome. I didn't realize who those people were at first. I originally thought the flyer was for a fitness club - all I saw was the word LIFE. Once it dawned on me that they were Jesus Peddlers I was really sorry I didn't take a look at the flyer earlier.

Just so you know, I had to tell them 3 times throughout the afternoon to keep away from our event. I didn't know until today that since the shopping center is private property we can call the cops to have them removed if they insist on being indignant. No one is allowed to leaflet cars or pass our flyers on private property without permission from the owner.

Thank you for participating with our Guitar Toss fundraiser for the Animal Humane Society! I sincerely hope you will come on out again next year. If you see me around the store, please say hello!

Armpit Studios said...

I'll say hello to you in the store, but you posted anonymously, so… well, I'm not really sure who you are. I'll just say hi to everyone.

Anonymous said...

I figured you saw me tell them to take a hike, so you must remember something about my appearance.

If you need some help, here you go: Short, Redhead

Armpit Studios said...

Oh sure. I just wasn't sure if it was you who found my blog or if other store employees were also telling the Moonies to leave.