Does Kirk Live?

Today, Kim asked if I wanted to go out and see Star Trek. We haven't been to a theater in a long, long time, perhaps over a year. I just don't see the point these days with home theater being a much better picture and sound, way more comfortable, eat/drink what you want at any time, no loud annoying dumbasses, etc. But I said OK, we'll go. Wow, was that a mistake. First, it's cold and rainy. I'd've much rather stayed in the house. The theater was tiny, but we went in when the last 2 people were leaving from the previous show, so we got the center seats right behind a railing (no people could block our view). They showed crappy local ads for about 10 minutes, then the previews began. Kim likes them, but the sound sucked—mono. We hoped the movie would be in full surround. Nope, no difference. Not only did it seem to only be coming out of the center channels below the screen, but the there was no low end and way too much mids. And there were at least 3 pair of speakers on the side walls. I didn't hear one peep out of them.

The movie was OK. Coulda done without the initial young Kirk scene with the stupid music. But then right after Scotty beamed into the thing, the power went out. Not the entire theater, block, or even city power; just the power that runs the projectors it seemed. The audio didn't die because you could hear the audio track slow down as the film slowed to a halt. And the emergency lights didn't come on. They told us "the power went out" and then after about 10 minutes said they couldn't get it back, and we could get refunds out front. While in line to get our money back, I noticed a big professionally printed plastic sign on the wall. It said "ATM Machine". It's the downfall of Western Civilization I tell you.

So, do they all live and go on to have long careers in Star Fleet? I guess we'll never know. At least until it comes out on Blu–ray and we see and hear the movie in a non–sucky way. And if anyone wants to tell me what happened, that'd be cool. I'm not one of those who gets his panties all in a bunch if somebody spoils the ending.

I didn't like the actor playing Spock. Too much of a pussy, like he should be an officer in a Star Trek fan club, in charge of writing name tags in Klingon before their next meeting. The Kirk guy was OK—hard to believe it was the same guy from Bottle Shock. Uhura was pretty, but a bit too interactive. Sulu and Chekov were fine, although I would've hired somebody without that goofy curly hair for Chekov. The Bones actor kept flip–flopping between a nice version of Bones and an actor trying too hard to "be" the character. We didn't really get enough time with Scotty, but I imagine Simon Pegg did a great job, as always. Nero the Romulan bad guy… ugh. Like a bad mix of Tom Cruise and Robert Di Nero. Fucking shave.

There you have it—Steve's crappy movie review.