Here's a TV news story about a NJ Apple store getting ripped off by pansy limp–wristed dick–smoking dumb–as–fuck thieves (see, if news stories described them that way instead of as "pros", "spactacular", and "skilled", then they wouldn't be so ready to do crimes just to see themselves on TV). What's the deal with the voiceover? Is he auditioning for Hard Copy or Maury Povich? That's one of the goofiest news report voices I've ever heard. And did he record it from inside a plastic garbage can?

But then, it's NJ. What more can we expect?

Better Dressers

Tired of rectangular dressers? Get some shaped like nekkid wimmin! I'd wear out my sock drawer.

Helping Hand

Some find this condom applicator commercial funny. I know I do.

You just changed the emphasis!

Life Copies Art

See the crazy old black woman attack a cameraman. Sadly, I can't find any of the better episodes of Reno 911 where Niecy Nash played T.T., the crazy black woman with curlers in her hair and the "uncontained overfilled water balloon syndrome", except this one. Normally she's screaming and running around just like the woman in the first clip, and at least once with one of the deputy's batons instead of a hoe.

Text Substitution

I just noticed a feature that I don't recall seeing in the 10.6 feature list; text substitution, in System Prefs->Language & Text->Text. If you can't remember that option–; produces an ellipsis or option–2 produces a trademark symbol, then you can turn on text substitution (if the app supports it) and then just type 3 periods or "tm" respectively. There've been apps that would do this for you ever since, jeez, System 7 maybe? TypeIt4Me is one. But they didn't always work. Hopefully this will, it being an actual OS feature now. I'll have to think of some things I'd like it to substitute for me, since I already know most of the option key chars.

Still waiting for iStat Menus to get updated for 10.6 so I can install it on the rest of the Macs.

Apple Sucks

OK, fuck it. I'm switching to these computers. Why? That'll be obvious once you see their slightly NSFW ads (no naughty bits are showing). Hubba fucking hubba.

Groovy JD Images

Here's a gallery of HDR images of John Deeres. Dirt and grime look really good in HDR. I just wish Jalopnik would use a better gallery. This new one sucks so fucking hard. You have to click more than needed, and you really have to junk through rings of fire if you want to snatch their fullsize images.

Of Cake and Cats

Here's Kim's weird cake.



The cats gets to play in the garage on Saturdays. I looked out and saw that Squiggy wanted to go for a ride.

Really? Fall Already?

Man, it's chilly today. First day of the season that the weather made me wear pants. Goddamnit.

We dropped off the receiver today, then headed to the Ridgedale Apple store. Had a nice old guy helping us. Musta been 75 or so. Nice to see somebody like that in there. I also picked up 10.6 while I was there—I almost forgot about it being out today. I've installed it on the MacBook Pro so far, but think I will hold off until some 3rd party shit gets updated, like iStat Menus. It doesn't load in 10.6. It's also goofy the way Apple made the System Preferences quit and relaunch if you try to use a 32–bit panel. Maybe it will prompt tons of users to bug the fuck out of developers that haven't released a 64–bit version of the pref pane.

I also got her Guitar Hero: Smash Hits. She wanted Barracuda. I like that it has a bunch of really good songs, like Caught in a Mosh, Them Bones, Godzilla, Mother, The Trooper, Cult of Personality, Cowboys from Hell (although I wish it was Walk instead), No One Knows, Psychobilly Freakout, Woman, and… wait for it… YYZ. I don't play it much, but the other night we were trading back and forth and I thought I'd try some song on the hardest level. Fuck! Lots of right hand slides and stuff on the special slidy area of the neck. But I didn't do too bad. I kept getting my left fingers out of position when I'd go up to the 5th "fret". Sorta fun. Looking forward to Forza Motorsport 3 this fall.

Baked her a birthday cake this afternoon. French vanilla with cherry frosting. I even decorated it. Drew a goofy little cartoon cat for the helluvit, and shook on some red sprinkles. I'm so Julia Child.

More Metal Cello

Here's one of the guys from Apocalyptica dueling with a guitarist from Cry for Silence. Cellos and distortion were made for each other.

Apocolyptica

Cooked Amps and Tiny WiFi Hotspots

Kim's in NY for a couple days. She called and bitched about the internet connectivity of the supposedly high class hotel she's in. There's nothing in the rooms. In the lobby is a certain chair that can get a wireless connection, but not reliably. There's also something where you pay like $10 for 5 minutes to use. What a bunch of shit. Even the AmericInn in podunk Peoria had free wireless throughout the hotel.

Our Marantz receiver has been acting up ever since the MartinLogans got hooked up. Not right away, but after a couple days of running the radio through them during the afternoon at a reasonable volume to help them get broken in. Now it shuts down when the volume knob gets past a certain level. I tried switching out the MLs for the old Definitives, but it still happens. Also tried unhooking the other channels one by one to see if one was shorted out or something. So I called Stereoland and he surmised that, since the MLs' high section goes down to around 2Ω that perhaps the Marantz is not handling that heavy of a load so well, and might've cooked something during the extended sessions. The manual lists 8Ω and 6Ω power ratings. At least it has a 3–year warranty and I've had it for exactly 1 year minus 3 days, so I'll take 'er in for fixin'. I'll drop it off tomorrow while we're on Kim's iPhone birthday present shopping trip. But, I have a hunch it will happen again after a short time. Fuck. My only option would be to get another 2–channel amp to use for the MLs. I'm guessing something that can deliver good, clean power to 2Ω ain't gonna be cheap. I know; I'll build a Heathkit amp! Then I'll build these speakers and sell the electrostats!

Rug U Want

Mark Mothersbaugh (ya know, the Devo guy) has some rugs. They're really cool. I love his weird sense of style. Loom it. Loom it good.

When in Doubt, Make Shit Up

Some of these movie posters from Ghana are weird beyond comprehension. Cujo looks more like he got into some meatloaf while napping on the porch than a killing beast.

Peoria—Still Sounds Like a Gum Disease

The road trip was pretty good. This is the first time I've had someone else with me. It didn't make the trip go any faster, but it was less boring. Those last couple hours once you get into Illinois always suck.

When I get back home, I need to debug the receiver. Damn thing is shutting off after a few seconds while watching Blu–ray. Listening to radio is fine. Watching satellite is fine, except some channels. It almost sounds like a problem with some audio or video throughput. Dunno, but it pisses me off. Perhaps I cooked some chip by having it in the cabinet. It does get pretty hot, but I assumed it was OK because the cabinet has all sorts of slots for cooling in the bottom and shelves. At first I thought it was the electrostats causing the problem and feared the receiver was too weak to handle them. But then I plugged in the old speakers instead and the problem persisted.

If you're reading this on Tuesday, think of me and how boring some of the meetings are. And if you think hard enough, maybe you can transport me back home. I'd appreciate it!

Sister Visit

We had a nice time with my sister visiting over the weekend. Took her to Excelsior and Hopkins, ate at Smashburger and Maynard's. It's OK there. Valets, pretty good menu (I had a Cuban, which was pretty fucking good), huge patio if you want to eat out there and look at the lake. The people watching is really interesting. Lots and lots of snooty rich people; bitchy women and asshole men. When we were snaking our way through the people to go outside, I apparently missed some woman who was showing about 6" of underwear above the back of her pants. Deb and Kim saw it. Bright pink I think. Not a thong, but regular panties or even granny panties, judging by how high up they went.

Not for an absolutely sucky week as I head to Peoria for a complete waste of time, then Kim goes to NY after I get back.

More Rain

OK, so we haven't had much rain this Summer. But one solid day of it is enough. More sun, please.

My sister's coming up to visit for the weekend. Should get here tonight, hopefully after rush hour. I doubt she's driven in heavy traffic since she left Tulsa many years ago, but I'm sure she and her little truck can handle it.

I was hoping this week would've been more busy at work, after a week–long vacation. I'm waiting for the guys in the home office to finish their part of the work, which has to be done before I can do the rest of it. But it's been taking them months. I'm not used to having to wait for others to finish projects like this. I'm usually the one that designs and codes new features and such, and I do it very quickly, so I'm going nuts waiting and wondering why this is taking so long. And I get waaay too few progress updates. Arg.

Gigantic Hair

The most recent exhibition at Square America is a collection of hairdos at one salon around the turn of the '60s/'70s decade. Not just any hairdos, but big, enormous hairdos with lots of plantlife and other props in them. They defy gravity. The cans of hairspray for just one of them probably did more to deplete the ozone layer than all the cars in the state. The woman with the large playing cards doesn't look too thrilled with what she must now be seen with.

I dig the chrome dryers, orange chairs, the floor, and the sunburst clock. They must've done a booming business with all those dryers. But then back in those days, tons of women of all ages would get a weekly shampoo and set, and those chairs were full and the gossip in the air was thick as pea soup.

Microhoover

The new microwave was delivered yesterday and, with the help of Geoff, lifted it into place that evening. The one on display in the store didn't have a timer button. I thought that was really odd. All microwaves since the beginning of time have a timer. But we figured we could get by using the one on the stove and a manual dingy one, although neither allows you to do seconds. Turns out, everybody bitched and LG ended up putting a timer button on this model at some point. They simply moved the Start button to the left and added the Timer button there. Easy as cake.

Man, it's only 200 watts more powerful than the old one (1100 vs. 900), but the old one must've been worn out or something. To test it today, I cooked a hot dog with the Hot Dog button. Man, was that fast. Now we'll have to get used to cooking things for less time or on a lower power.

Whoever installed the previous microwave was a complete Gomer. I'm guessing it was the previous owner. He seemed like he'd have a hard time figuring out how to work a hammer. There were 2 holes drilled through the bottom of the upper cabinet where 2 large bolts go through to secure the oven in place. It looks like he held a beaver up there and had it chomp through the cabinet. The holes are about 5 times too big and are nowhere near circular. So I had to add some big ass washers to make sure the bolt head never pulls through.

Gold–plated Pig Guts

In the "Electrostatic History" section of the MartinLogan owner's manual:

Bell Laboratory's electrostat was something to behold. This enormous bipolar speaker was as big as a door. The diaphragm, which was beginning to rot, was made of a pig intestine that was covered with fine gold leaf to conduct the audio signal.

This was around 1923. I didn't know electrostatic speakers had been around for so long.

RC Rocket Launcher

Here's a really fun video. Not only does the guy have a seriously cool camera and head–mounted monitor and controller (yup, he pans the camera by turning his head), but he also mounted some rockets to the little plane and recorded the flight. Great fucking song too. Rammstein are so good.

Françoise Hardy

My speakers are here! Got them hooked up and will be blasting music through them during the day to get them broken in. (Also need to get the atoms all lined up in the cables, ya know. Now where'd I put my $1200 power cable burn–in–er?)

Saw a different video by this beautiful, sexy French chick. I've heard the name, but this is the first time I've seen or heard her sing. I'm not sure what she's singing about, but I don't really care. She's gorgeous. This was probably late '60s or early '70s. Hot even by today's standards.

Logos and Microwaves

Here's an interesting look at how logos have been overhauled for better and for worse. I hate the new crooked Pepsi logo; the old wave was Pepsi, and new one looks like some stupid Pokémon logo. I don't really mind the new BP look, but the old staid and simple shield was always a favorite of mine. The Kraft makeover is horrendous. Lower case letters and a binky little splat at the end still doesn't make Walmart a brand I'll trust or go to for any reason other than to puke on them.

Yesterday we went to the big park by the lake in Excelsior and just laid in the sun. The place was almost deserted, which seemed weird, but then it was the middle of the week. After that we got delicious ice cream; a peppermint shake for me and something called Superman sherbet in a sugar cone for Kim. Cooked pork chops for supper and played with the mini. I found some more apps for the iPod to use as a controller. Air Mouse Pro is by far the coolest and offers the most features, and it's on sale for $2 instead of $6. Whee. Also got the free Mocha VNC Lite to do screen sharing. It takes a lot of zooming and scrolling to navigate around a 1920x1080 screen via the iPod touch screen. We've been using Boxee, which sort of gathers many video sites (Hulu, Joost, MTV, etc…) into an easy–to–navigate FrontRow type UI. It also has a free iPod app for getting around in it. Boxee is still in alpha, so many of the sites don't work. But nicely, many of the commercials also don't work at this point. Score!

We walked around downtown Hopkins today, looking at all the little stores on Main St. Really not much that interested Kim, but I dig junky old antique stores. We went into a couple. I got a genuine Dog 'n' Suds heavy glass mug at one. I know I've been to a Dog 'n' Suds when I was a kid, but I can't remember where it was? Was the drive–in in Washington always an A&W? Hmm.

After that we went back to the place where I got my glasses and had my regular lenses put back in. I just wasn't digging the Progressive lenses that I wanted to try recently. The number of times that they pissed me off far outnumbered the times that they helped: Watching TV sucked, forcing me to sit upright (not gonna happen) or perch my glasses down on my nose. Could no longer glance at driver side rear view mirror without turning head. Couldn't look at something straight down on the floor without having to bend my neck way down so I looked like Charlie Brown when he was depressed.

Since we were over there, we went to Warner's Stellian and picked out a new microwave to replace the underpowered cheap black one that was in the house. We decided on an LG—this'll be my first experience with one of their products. The one we liked has a great looking front face that mimics our oven door, 2 lights near the front for much more useful stovetop lighting, and a 5–speed fan whose slower speeds are actually not annoying like so many vent fans are (not that we use it much because of the downdraft exhaust in the stove, but it is useful once in a while). It also has a unique turntable that also rolls from side to side as it turns, helping to eliminate any cold or hot spots that the magnetron misses or focuses on.

Plants and Ice Cream

Today's outing was to the Arboretum out west on 5. I didn't know it was a U of M thing. It's a pretty neat place, and big. Lots to see, if you're into looking at plants. Take a compass though. We got a bit lost trying to get from one area to another because the paths don't really look like they do on the map, and they wind around like crazy. But I'm happy to report that we never circled around and went over the same path twice. We spent maybe 2.5 hours looking around, then headed to the main building for a Nestlé Crunch ice cream bar from the cafeteria upstairs.

Man, my Grandpa on my Mom's side would've loved that place. He was such a plant guy, and took care of a good size garden at the jr. high school in Washington, IA, featuring banana trees and huge philodendrons with delicious fruit. In 6th grade we had to make a leaf book. You know, go around and collect a bunch of leaves from different trees and write about them. I had pretty much the same leaves as everyone else, but I was the only kid with a 3' banana leaf and a giant leaf and fruit from a South American philodendron. Everybody got a bite. I got an A.

His large yard was also full of all kinds of plants. I'd help him water things when I was a kid, or carry the snippers and things if he needed to prune something. We'd always finish the job with a nice cool drink of water from their well, pumped into an aluminum cup he kept hanging on it. That was good water.

Mac mini

First off, I wish Apple would capitalize all the product names. It's confusing when you're reading an article which isn't clear if "mini" is a Mac or an adjective for the next word in the sentence, and if "touch" is an iPod of a verb. Second, stop reusing product names when major leaps in technology have been taken, e.g. the AirPort Extreme that did 802.11g and the AirPort Extreme that does 802.11n, and the two AirPort Expresses, one old, one "extreme". How many Mac Pros and iMacs and PowerBooks and so on have their been over the years? Go back to using numbers like PowerMac 8500 or IIfx. Those are names that mean something and (usually) describe only one product.

In the course of the same week, I started thinking about adding a mini (the Mac) to the stereo cabinet for viewing videos and other shit when there's nothing decent on the DVR or live TV. Many times I'd wanted to show Kim some YouTube video I'd seen, or watch Emergency!, without having to go into the office and try to fit both of us behind the desk (it was built and arranged for one person at a time). So we figured what the hell. Then I read a Macworld article about the different possibility for controlling it remotely (a few different iPod apps) and for putting up a friendly UI (such as Front Row), and other things. So we went up to the nearest Apple store and got one, along with the appropriate mini–DVI to HDMI adapter so I could get the video to the receiver. I also had one of those goofy 1/8" minijack optical cables lying around, so I could get the digital audio feed into the receiver.

Works pretty nicely. Man, it's weird looking at a 50" screen across the room. We're just controlling it by screen sharing it with the MacBook Pro for now. I'll go look at the iPod apps now and try them out.

Holiday Sinn

There are so many large companies that just don't get it. Like Radio Shack changing its name to The Shack, and now Holiday Inn changing its sign, logo, and lettering. That's just sick and wrong. Would you want to pull your family into a parking lot with that new cold, corporately stale sign out front? Not me. I'd look for the comforting old metal sign lit by lots of external light bulbs, neon, and a big gaudy star on top. That says "holiday"; the new sign says "my boss made me go on a business trip to discuss the budget and sales figures with Harris from Cincinnati." Dumb fucking bastards. Even the version they started using in the '80s sucked and was all business.

$2M speakers

Jeez. Talk about excessive speakers. More power to 'em, but hell! Click through Gizmodo to the source article to see the specs, "including 143dB".

Treehouse

I love this treehouse. Be sure to take the 7–minute tour. My favorite line (and remember he's like 10): "…but I was young back then."

New York CITY?!??

Kim just told me that a large chunk of the WalMart corporate staff has moved to offices in New York, at least in the garment and jewelry divisions. Raise an ear to the east, listen closely, and you can hear them speaking:

"They got trains that run down in caves!"

"Why do alla them fellers we meet with from th' joory business wear long curly sideburns and beanies? They sissies er sumthin? And whatta they mean when they call me a shluh–meel all the time?"

"Them cab drivers is about the funniest talkin' Mexicans I ever heard."

Just wait until somebody tells them about the Naked Cowboy. Thars a–gonna be some guns to be a–gettin'.

Quadruple Bass Pedal

Kids these days. Some shorter takes and quicker cuts would've made this funnier. This could've easily been me and the guys back in '78, except their hair is longer than ours was. I had all sorts of weird ideas for drum inventions. I even made one that played a cymbal by tapping it with a stick attached to a hi–hat pedal.

Schecter Guitars

Schecter is making some really cool shit, as always. Although they could use a better site design instead of the 100% Flash crap that makes it impossible to link to anything. They're making some 8–string guitars now, with 2 extra low strings, F# and B. That would sound fuckin' great. I've always like baritone guitars in Dwight Yoakam type country. Mix that with some extra crunchy power chords and you've got a really nice sound. Check the V8 Hellraiser Limited in the 2009 Limiteds section. The rusted metal look on 4 of those models is also sorta neat, although I wouldn't buy one. In the Custom section, the Green Flame is interesting. Again, not something I'd buy, but it's neat to look at. I would, however, play the Sunset–7 Martian Girl. Everyone would want to play with her knobs.

There was an 8–string bass of some make at My Music Store. Not 8 individual strings, but doubled up like what Tom Petersson sometimes plays when 12 strings are just too much. I didn't have a chance to ask to play it, but I'd love to.

Three Button Hand Me Down

Andy had me listen to this Faces song I'd never heard before. He wanted Kim to hear the bass line. I like how he overdrives it here and there, betting some natural fuzz out of the amp. Rod is so Rod right at the end.

Radio Shackizzle

I'm sorry I said "Shackizzle". Radio Shack is trying to become hip. Ya know, "with it". 23 skidoo! How will they perform such a feat? They'll change their name to The Shack. As in, "dude, let's motor to The Shack and score some awesome MOSFETs!" "Like dude, I'm so there!" "Dude, sweet, like dude!" I'm not sure that hipifying your own image actually works. Do all the kids now hang at Wendy's because their new commercials have a sweet young thing voicing Wendy so she sounds totally brain–dead; "it's wayyyyy better than fast food." I don't know if it worked for McDonald's when they started using the annoying "Mickey D's" in their advertising because the place was already popular with the urban crowd.

No matter. Changing the name is not going to sell more electronics parts, RC tanks, or goddamn cell phones (which seems to be their main meal ticket these days). I'd say to respect your history and forefathers and don't fuck with the name. It's an American mainstay, and I'll refuse to call it The Shack. Just fix the logo so the R is in the center of the circle. It looks like an alignment problem the way it is. Or come up with something that won't be confused with the ® symbol. And if you change anything, try hiring actual geeks and electronics nerds instead of the really weird guys in their late 20s who think they're should be having a power lunch because they wear a button–down shirt and a tie, could be easily mistaken for terrorists, and vow to seek vengeance on any customer who doesn't buy a service plan or who returns something. Seriously, I haven't seen a Radio Shack employee for the past 10 years who doesn't freak me out.

Hands at 10 & 2, Not on Whore

Oh, why must white trash be allowed to roam free? Here's a real winner of a pair, busted for being drunk and screwin' while drivin'. Her first name is Nikie. Seriously. Like Nike the shoe?

My Room Circa 1976

For years I envisioned building a mammoth headboard stereo cabinet for my waterbed, full of gear and even some built–in speakers. I spent hours scanning through Stereo Review magazines and drawing up plans of what components I'd get and how they'd fit into the cabinet. Here's another great shot from Aloha Friday that shows what it might've looked like. There're at least a couple Marantz components in there, and even an 8–track. I'm sure I also would've had the "Danger: High Voltage" sign. Nice touch.

Still waiting for the Martin Logans to get here.

Rush Slut

Whoa. If an '80s guy can't get laid around these 4 chicks, he's got problems. There's one for every type. This photo came from Aloha Friday, which is a fascinating collection of odd photos and stuff. Obviously, I'll try to make it with the chick in the Rush hat. I'll probably have to score a bottle of Tickle Pink for her first.

Miami Robot Vice Dork

Hopefully you aren't about to or haven't just eaten, because there's a good chance you'll hurl or laugh until you hurl. Really, it can go either way with this music video by the black guy on Miami Vice. How much did the video director get to make this piece of crap and not laugh right in PMT's face at how utterly stupid the entire thing is? Musta been a heap.

Speaking of crappy (this one was a "related video", but I'm not sure how it's related), you know it's bad when even Gilligan's Island goes down the drain. But it can happen, as the opening for the cartoon Gilligan's Planet shows.

Superduperbird

I was looking for a photo of people sitting on a Superbird/Daytona wing when I saw this pro–mod Superbird. Damn, that's one mean looking hippy crusher.

And look at this thing; Cudabird? I like it.

Anybody Else Sick of Twitter?

It can go away now. It's the latest craze for people with the attention span of fly on speed. And naturally, it's being used in all the wrong ways. Yes, retail and manufacturing companies are using it for who the fuck knows what reason. Like Zildjian. What do they have to tweet about? "Just got back from the lathing shop and man is there a lot of brass on the floor." "Some molten brass splashed onto the floor and it looked like jesus." Those are just my guesses, cuz I'm not going to even go to a Twitter site unless it's absolutely necessary.

One of our close neighbors said that another neighbor woman in the other cul de sac we'll call "Connie" tweets all day long. This is a woman who's always the loudest at any get together, talks constantly, acts like she's a real big deal, and now has one of those horrible, harsh hairdos like that bitch on that stupid show about the idiots with 8 kids. Maybe when she's home alone all day, there's nobody to listen to her, so she has to spew it out for the rest of the world to read because she won't shut up for 3 seconds. Twit[ter] is right.

Whew. Looks like I dodged the going–to–Peoria bullet this week, and I'm on vacation next week. We're trying to talk them into getting into the 21st Century and getting a video conference going rather than waste all that time, money, and fuel to get the 2 of us down there for a 1–day meeting. It's just so lame that, in this day and age, people feel we need to be in the same room in order to brainstorm and whatnot. The 2 travel days is a huge waste of our time and gas. Save money—save the company. Simple.

The Pompawhat of Love?

Here's a great story about the origin of "the pompitous of love".

Trans Am Javelin

Poke me with a fork, I think my brain has been cooked. This is so hot. Peter Revson's AMC Javelin that he drove in a bunch of Trans Am races has been restored and is for sale. Quick, loan me $200k.

Another Drive–in

There's been a drive–in on Highway 7 called Wagner's for many years, I hear. It just reopened as The Galaxy Drive–in. We were going to try it Friday night, but it was packed. We went today at about 1:30. It was still packed, but actually had one drive–up space open. The cute girl on roller skates led us in and helped me park (we were in the truck). Good burgers! I had a chocolate shake, but did not like it very much. The problem is that they made it from chocolate ice cream, soft–serve I assume. It had that chocolate ice cream flavor instead of a chocolate syrup in a shake flavor. As a shake connoisseur, that just ain't right.

Kim had the grilled cheese, but said it was too dry—not greasy enough, like they didn't put any butter on the outside of the bread to help brown it as it was grilled. So, kind of weird ideas for some of the items. But at least they have real window trays like a drive–in should.

The improvements in the new FX35 are pretty cool. 4 cameras show you a simulated overhead view when you're backing up or pulling into a parking space. Pretty cool. The voice command stuff for making calls and controlling the audio and nav system is really handy for keeping your eyes on the road. A bunch of safety stuff, like braking if you're about to ram into the car ahead of you. And there's a system you can turn on that helps keep you in the lane by applying brakes per side. If you know your driving is going to suck, wouldn't you pay more attention or get some caffeine instead of relying on something like that? I dunno. And the nav screen is now a touchscreen. Duh! It has flappy paddles (solid magnesium, no less!), as Jeremy Clarkson would say, although they're more of a toy than being a real double clutch shifting system—they do the same thing as the +/- positions that you can jab the shifter at when you knock it into the tiptronic position. Although it does do rev matching when you downshift. Nice!

The color is kinda weird. I thought it was going to be a rich, deep brown, because it's called Midnight Mocha. Sure looks brown on the web site. It's actually more of a brownish dark graphite that turns purplish in the sun. The interior is gorgeous; Java leather and real maple wood with some gorgeous flame. The 2 big gauges have a cool purplish blue ring, and the whole instrument panel is sunken deeply into the dash, emphasizing the blackness of it all. They still annoyingly use Bose, and the sound is still pretty Bose–like.

Oh, and an iPod connection, although it stupidly doesn't support the iPod touch. WTF? So Kim has to use her old one. Hopefully they'll release some sort of software update to remedy that. There's also a hard drive that you can rip CDs onto, including Gracenote support. I grabbed The Pretender's latest and tried it. It didn't have that album in the db or however it gets the track info, so I had to enter it manually. It's really annoying entering text with an onscreen keyboard that's in alphabetical order. Thankfully, there's an option to change it to QWERTY. I wish the Xbox had that.

The seats are now cooled as well as heated. What? No climate controlled steering wheel and shift knob? No foot massaging whirlpool? What crap!!

Slow Trucks?

Damn it. No speakers yet. Although Kim will be picking up her new FX35 today. That'll be fun, but nowhere near as fun as electrostats.

I Don't Wanna Go to Stupid Church!

Hooray for this 7–year old kid.

Neighborhood Excitement

Goddamnit! Today I decided I'd take my glasses back and get measured for bifocals. The trip only took an hour, but when I got back, the cul de sac had a bunch of vehicles in it. Unmarked law vehicles, driven by mostly unmarked lawmen, except for a few vests and jackets with POLICE or SHERIFF on the back. One kid—maybe between 17 and 21—was sitting on the street behind a car. I called Carolyn to get the scoop, since she's right next door to where the action was and has a great view out her front window. Looks like a drug bust. One kid has always been a stoner, and I guess he must be much more than that to have that many cops show up. She said they all came in very SWAT–like. He graduated a year or two ago and hasn't really been around very much at all since then. Dunno what he was doing here today. Maybe just using the place to make a deal, since Carolyn said that the kid sitting on the street showed up after all the cops were here, so he must not be that bright, otherwise he would've casually turned around and left. Typical dumbass stoner.

Yearbook Yourself

Need to waste even more time on the webanet? Gather some photos of your face from pretty much straight on and then go to Yearbook Yourself where you can see what your yearbook photo might've looked like in any year between the '50s and today. I quickly found a couple that worked well with their templates; my baby picture and one of Dad when he was in his 20s I think. The results can be entertaining.

Vans, Kiss, etc

I was making an Amazon order for this book about the birth and history of the Vans shoe company. The hardcover is pretty cool; "canvas" textured checkerboard with a big red rubber Off the Wall logo similar to the one on the back of the shoes. Different sections were written by different people. They could've used a better editor, because the parts written the Steve Van Doren (son of the originator) are kinda hard to parse. He's definitely not a writer. He should've been interviewed instead of letting him write his own thoughts.

Anyhoo, I didn't want to submit the order with just the one item, so I picked up Levon Helm's new album and the 6 remaining Kiss albums that I've either never owned (Hotter Than Hell, Rock and Roll Over, Destroyer, Dressed to Kill) or never replaced the vinyl with CD (Music from "The Elder", Creatures of the Night). I'd only heard some of the songs once or twice in my life, probably in Leo's car. It was fun to hear Take Me again. (Yes, pocket rhymes with rocket.) I hadn't listened to The Elder in years, and now I remember why. Well, at least 6 of the 11 songs are listenable and/or good.

But Is It Free?

At the Guitar Toss on Saturday, a herd of churchies invaded the area, handing out flyers. The music store always cordons off a large area for the band tent, sound man, the guitar toss area, and of course space for people to watch the bands. One of the store workers noticed the invading horde and went to talk to the portly woman who seemed to be in charge (the most pushy of the herd). I could see the employee pointing to the portion of the parking lot outside of their area, likely instructing her to get the hell out of their space and peddle their shit elsewhere. That was the church woman who'd previously handed a flyer to me before I knew that it was or what they were. I dropped it into the trash. As we were walking to our car later, that same rotund woman had stopped a car driving through the strip mall's main lane through the parking lot. There were 2 or 3 cars behind them, wanting to get through. Cripes. Leave people the fuck alone! Then we noticed the flyers on everybody's windshields. Kim grabbed it so we could recycle it, but not before scanning it so all of you can make fun of it too.

It's a classic case of why home desktop publishing can be a really, really bad idea. It's also one of the best (hence, funniest) cases of how some people think that quotation marks should be used to accent or embolden a word or phrase, to make it stand out. What they don't understand is that quotes make something fake/false sound as if it were real/true, hence the many laughs I got out of this one, along with the art and overall typographic and layout skills. As always, click to biggify. The red circles and comments are mine, because I'd hate for you to miss any of the gaffes.

But, ya know, being that it's one of these religious nutcase groups, it could very well be that you won't receive or win any actual free gifts if you show up, but instead you will get a sermon in the form of a bike that helps you travel down god's path, or they'll all sing their jesus songs at you, in the form of a human "I–pod". That's the "free tunes".

Women Ride on the Back

I like the way this tiny German car provided a place for a passenger only as an afterthought. Her foot isn't even on the footpad—maybe the wife was the brakes? "Helga, schtopp the kar at the hofbräu so I kan get some wienerkugenebnozn!" The rest of the gallery has some more neat cars.

That Was a Summer Day

Fanfuckingtastic day yesterday, weather–wise; hot, dryish, sunny, nice breeze. We sat on the deck for a while, trimmed up some overgrown shrubs, went to Dairy Queen, had a nice drive in the "country" down to Halla Nursery to get a bag of bark chips and put that around a few plants that currently had only river rock around, but looked like they needed a little extra moisture retention. Also relocated the solar landscape lights out front. They were right at the edge of the sidewalk, and I was always worried that the one on the corner would get kicked by someone.

Kim wanted shrimp on the barby for supper, so we stopped at Byerly's on the way home from Halla. She needed some bamboo skewers, which come in a package of 100. Good luck using those up in our lifetime, even if they are disposable. She made a marinade that sounded pretty good. I had a hot dog cuz I only like shrimp in small quantities.

That weekend did not suck. I ended up with a slight sunburn on my shoulders from the yard work.

Inglorious Bastards 1.0

Quentin Tarantino is doing a version of an Italian movie from 1978 called The Inglorious Bastards. His has Brad Pitt and B.J. Novak (Ryan from The Office). We watched the original last night. I was totally digging it from the opening credits, featuring super bold graphics (you see a bit in the trailer). The little Italian guy with the bushy mustache is fun. The one guy who kinda looks like Ryan O'Neal (see 1:36) is so fucking annoying. He's one of those actors you wanna punch in the face just so he'll shut up and go away.

So if you like WWII movies and spaghetti westerns, you should see this one. I'm hoping the remake is also good, but I know it won't have the same feel. Hell, even the audio on the DVD was cool. It sounded like it was coming out of a not–quite–hi–fi mono movie theater speaker system, with just a smidgen of natural old school amp distortion.

Smashburger

We didn't play the Guitar Toss this year—they only get "amateur" bands—but we went down to listen to a band or two. First we ate lunch at Smashburger. Now that's a tasty fucking burger. High class beef and cooked right. Also perused Down in the Valley current stock. I had some Bowie albums on my wishlist, but oddly they only had 3 Bowie albums total, none being what I was looking for (The Man Who Sold the World, Heros, and Low). But I found a live Drive-by Truckers album I didn't know about (it includes CD and DVD), from their performance on Austin City Limits. Man I love that band. Also got the extended version of the new Rancid album. Lastly, a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy album that's all Cab Calloway tunes.

The first band we listened to looked about 14–17. 4 guys playing very bluesy stuff for their age. The songs sorta sounded like Indigenous or Arc Angels, and they were all very talented on their instruments. I was impressed. I knew I wouldn't like the next band. I thought they were gonna be some kind of Dead/Phish hippy love band because one of the guys had his jeans rolled up to just below his knees, like some teenage girl from the '50s. I didn't get it. They were totally not what I expected, but I still didn't like the music at all. They had a black chick singing R&B type shit. Her voice was hurting my ears, so we left.

Went out to Ikea looking for some sort of interesting floor lamp and place mats. Found a lamp. That place is fun to hit once or twice a year. All sorts of people to gawk at, from hot MILFs, to all sorts of foreigners strolling slowly with their large brood, to white trash hillbillies (dad with his dirty sleeveless T–shirt, mom with a bun in the oven and generic smokes on her breath, son with a strange brown and bright blue camouflage outfit over his 12–year old beer gut) who heard about the dirt cheap prices and limped the rusty, sputtering '80 Granada into town. We also walked in circles more than once. The place is fucking huge and winds around back and forth, so it's impossible to know which direction you're going.

WTF

Just a few seconds ago, my eyeballs exploded when I saw this image in a Jalopnik comment. I'm sorry. Now you're blind too.



I thought the thing on the right was a chick, then I realized that the shadow (or some dumbass kind of goth makeup) under her chins was actually a beard, so that made it a guy with pigtails and a dress. That made it so much worse.

SFW Porn

When porn is made safe for work, the result is hilarious.

Disney Shows About Space

There're a few films made by Disney in the mid '50s about space travel and such, and they're on YouTube. One is about space travel and rockets in general. One is about the moon. That one has a pretty cool little movie at the end filmed with real people and futuristic spaceship sets. The third is about Mars, with this part featuring some really far out animation that rivals the weirdness of Peter Max and Yellow Submarine type stuff. Watch for the appearance of a Disney favorite amongst the Martian creatures chasing the chick. The animators of that era were amazing and really creative.

Up Pikes Peak with 800HP

I was only going to skim through this and watch little bits of it, as it's 9 minutes long and I wanted to go to bed. But I ended up watching all of it. Such amazing shots. Rally drivers are a rare breed, and unphased about doing it with a thousand–foot drop–off inches away.

Totally Impractical Gadgets

Gizmodo did a Photoshop contest to come up with impractical designs of real gadgets. I did one for the helluvit; #62, the Tomtom Plasma. There are some great ones, like the wrench, the Splode watch, Nike butt plug, and the solar–powered night vision goggles (I giggle when I see that). The wicker Weber grill is also very creative.

Lt. Dangle, Mission Control

The guy who did the mission control announcements for Apollo 11 sounds a lot like Lt. Jim Dangle from Reno 911. I kinda chuckle every time his voice comes on. And he just said the name of somebody at NASA; Semens. *giggle*

Speaking of Reno 911, we sure miss the ones they got rid of (especially Kimball) and sure do hate the new ones. The fat guy is just an unfunny annoying Chris Farley Chicago Bears fan type about–to–die–from–a–massive–coronary obnoxious jerk.

Wienermobile Having Its Way with a House

What the hell kind of idiot could crash the Wienermobile into a house? At the end of a dead–end street. While making a 3–point turn. The story says the drive hit the gas instead of the brake. How many people do you know who have done that? Anyone? Not me. I've never even done that while driving with an Xbox controller, and that has way fewer years of muscle memory than driving a real vehicle with my feet. Seriously, if you can't tell the gas from the brake, and confusing the two pedals while turning around (therefore going very slowly and having more than enough time to react) results in you crashing into something, then the law should prevent you from ever driving again.

Wait, in the news report video (if you follow the links) the driver (a chick—typical) had it in the wrong gear (D instead of R). So which is it, bitch? Wrong gear or wrong pedal? Retard. Here's the Google street view of the house. So she clearly would've been making a 3–point turn, probably by first pulling into the red house's driveway. At which point you stop and put it in reverse. So smashing that far into the house from a dead stop would take the work of a supreme idiot.


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Commodore PET

Heh, look at the stupid keyboard they designed for the PET. Unless you'd never taken a typing course and never used a standard key layout, then it probably worked OK for hunt & pecking.

Swell Light Control System

Take a look at this low voltage solenoid–activated light control system that's in a really cool house built in '61. Keep going forward in the set to see more components, including the solenoid bank where it all happens. Kind of a scary, messy wiring job.

MultiAd Reunion

Had a little MultiAd reunion today. I thought a lot more people would be there, but only 6 showed up. Too bad, as I there are a bunch I'd like to see again. The one girl said last year when they did the same thing there were only 2. So by next year there should be 18!

Sounds Good to Me

When asked, Kim did not vote against letting us upgrade our L/R speakers to these Martin–Logan Vistas. They're near the bottom of the line, because the ones near the top are what one might call "really fucking expensive". Plus they'd be way too big for our room at 70" tall.

We went out to Stereoland today and gave a pair of the Purity model a good listen. They're slightly below the Vista and are self–powered, more for the rich bastard that just wants to easily hook up his iPod to something in the bathroom I guess. We also listened to the same tracks on some Paradigm Studio 100s, which are really sweet. I wanted to see if Kim could tell the difference, but she couldn't hear it, or maybe just wasn't really listening. Being regular dynamic speakers, I could close my eyes and point to where they were, and even these incredibly high quality speakers have some colorations when compared to the openness and transparency of the electrostats. Those produced a depth, a more realistic 3D soundfield. On Bela Fleck's Flight of the Cosmic Hippo, I could easily place the acoustic bass behind the rest of the band, with Bela's banjo a little closer to the front.

But she knew that having a pair of Martin–Logans is something I've always wanted, and she knew our current Definitive Technology fronts aren't that hot. They're alright for watching movies, but as soon as I play music from any source, I'm completely unimpressed with our system. And with the receiver we have, I should not be feeling that way. I've always strived to have good sound in my house and vehicles. So now I will. I'm pleased as punch.

Spock Rock Talk

Just go watch this.

That rock sounds a lot like an analogue synth. Fascinating.

Suck, Music Industry. Suck.

Here's another example of how the music industry is run by complete morons. I'd be surprised if any record label executive could whistle or even hum a melody.

Cheap Trick on 8–track

I forgot to mention this when I read it the other day in the 8–track article. Cheap Trick's latest album, called The Latest, is also being released on 8–track. I'd better go find a book of matches to wedge in there to get the head azimuth right.

Now That's Well–done!

Here's a great shot of the spilled, squished, and cooked vegetables that were in the truck that was burned and smashed in the Detroit truck crash/bridge falling. I caught the first post last night, the one with the video of the really annoying, bordering–on–crazy woman news reporter.

CDs Are In

UPS just delivered our demo discs. Wouldn't you know it, the gradients in the artwork didn't print correctly. One of them did. Others look posterized. And the easiest one to render—a straight linear gradient from one color to another—turned out a solid color. And I bet I know why. Because pdf sucks. That's what the place wanted. That's what everybody wants these days, thinking it's the best file format ever. Creator has always had trouble reading and producing pdfs that work with everything. Why? Because pdf sucks. Oh well, at least the fucked up gradients didn't ruin the whole thing or make parts unrecognizable. And the music turned out correctly.

Original art:


Actual CD (the green's off too, but I knew it would be):

Crackpots, Nuts, Weirdos

Really, WTF is wrong with these people? As Bugs Bunny might say:

Audrey Kawasaki

Having one of the coolest names a girl can have, Audrey Kawasaki is also one of the best artists I've ever seen. It's rare to find someone who can render the female form with such passion. The lips and eyes say more than any book ever could. And she's produced so much—her online gallery goes on and on. The recurring themes are kinda cool/creepy/odd/neat too, like bugs, bones, string, scissors, animals.

Jim Henson, Masochist

Whoa, these are pretty cool TV ads created way back in the '50s by Jim Henson. The violence is right out there. No toned–down over–protective goofy children's violence here. Purely the real thing, and that makes it funny.

Moon Landing in a Few Days

In just over 34 hours, Apollo 11 will blast off for the moon. Oh, we have a time correction; subtract 40 years from that. There's a neat site set up where you can relive the entire mission in real time. There are a bunch of ways to get updates as they "happen". I got the Missing Widget and have it over in the corner of my left monitor. Since I was 5 when it happened the first time, I don't remember much about it, if anything. Maybe seeing/hearing it again will spark an old memory.

El Caseto!

I was just reading the history of the 8–track on Wikipedia and got to thinking about a large cassette tape format that Sony made. It didn't last very long or go anywhere and, naturally, it produced better results than the format that "won" (compact cassette). It was called Elcaset, and was designed to be an easier to use form of reel–to–reel. Leave it to Sony to design the better medium which loses out because most people don't care about quality.

But yeah, compact cassettes sure were handy. Can you imagine strapping an Elcaset Walkman to your jogging shorts?

Geek or Killer?

This is fun. A quiz where you guess if photos are of programmers or serial killers. I got 40%. Only Son of Sam and the SNOBOL guy were obvious to me.

Oh, and here's the best Gizmodo article title I've seen in a while. Fucking classic.

Desk Computer

Not to be confused with a "desktop computer", this one is built right into the desk. And it's made of wood. What, the guy doesn't own a roundover bit for his router? That mouse is stupid, but the rest works. I wonder if any of the keys stick when it gets real humid.

Six–Million Dollar Flasher

Here's a Kenner Six–Million Dollar Man action figure that looks to be in pretty good shape. They show you how complete it is by offering pictures of him with his pants pulled down. Steve Austin was such a slut.

What's a "Seefee"?

Why did the people at the Sci Fi channel forget how to spell? Is it some alien influence or a zombie virus that has eaten away the part of their brains that controls logic and common sense? Why the fuck would they think sci-fi should be spelled Syfy? That looks like "seefee" or "siffee". Maybe they've all been spending too much time texting each other on their RAZRs and MOTOKRZRs. (Really, that's a model. One of the 102 models of cell phones they currently have on their web site. 102. One–hundred two. Cell phone models. WTF. IDTZ.) And did they entirely forget that it's supposed to be shorthand for "science fiction", the main focus of their programming?

See? I'm totally going to be old Clint Eastwood, surrounded by a world of dumb bastards.

We had a nice day, but didn't have much to do. We drove up to Wayzata to look for a drive–in restaurant that somebody told us about, but didn't know the name or location. Couldn't find it. Neighbor Bruce later told us what and where; the Minnetonka Drive–in. The menu looks fantastic. I want a tenderloin sandwich now. I'd also try their sloppy joe and pizzaburger.

Anyhoo, we ended up going to Excelsior on the way back and just sitting on a bench by the lake, watching the boats and dogs. Dogs love parks by a lake. One young black lab was having a blast swimming out to retrieve a tennis ball. Stopped by the little "trolly" snack stand and got a big pretzel and a Pepsi. Came back home and watered Geoff's sod while they're out of town. For supper we went to Baker's Ribs. I'd been hankerin' for their pork sandwiches ever since they were closed on Memorial Day. I was not disappointed.

I also offloaded my old AirPort Extreme base station. Thanks Greg!

Oh, Shenanigans!

Oh my god I'm slow. I just got a joke I first heard around 1979. It's a line from the Firesign Theatre's High School Madness. Just a little while ago I was making a sandwich for lunch and these lines popped into my head:

Mom: Well, you boys fight it out amongst yourselves.
Dad: OK, mother.
[Dad and Porgy fight]

After Porgy gives up and asks if he can eat his breakfast, Dad says, "only if you stay out of trouble, boy. Your shenanigans could cost me this election." To which Porgy replies, while stuffing his face with cereal, "oh c'mon, Dad. No Irishman could stop you from getting to be dog killer this time. You're a natural!" Because his mouth was full of food, I was never sure about the words "Irishman" or "dog killer". But now I know the Irishman part is right, because that's the joke I didn't get until now, 30 years later. Porgy thought "shenanigan" was the name of some Irish guy, like Flanigan. I probably didn't need to explain that because everybody else got it the first time.

Also on that compilation album are classics like the Bear Whiz Beer commercial, which you can hear all of in the 30–second clip, Beat the Reaper, and one of my favorites, Ralph Spoilsport Motors.

And speaking of long periods between punchlines, this is for Brent, courtesy of Mike Rube:

…princess?

Although I think I already said that a bunch of years ago.

Gran Torino

We watched that tonight. Good flick. Clint's character will be me in 30 years, only I won't have that "I killed gooks" edge of an excuse for being crabby. And I probably won't drink a lot. It's highly doubtful I'll own a Ford. I might own a gun by then. But the yelling at people I hate to get off my lawn? That'll totally be me.

This Just In: Microsoft Still Annoying

I finally got my AirPort network reconfigured to work with everything again. I still need 802.11g compatibility for Kim's iPod touch and the stupid Xbox wireless adapter, which also can't do WPA2. But I did change the channel to 11, since it was using 1 and so is the new neighbor across the street, and the one next door is on 6.

Microsoft is still sending me 2 copies of the useless MSDN discs. But I'll put some of the blame on our managers and the people they told to renew our MSDN subscriptions last time. They just went out and bought new MSDN boxes, not renewals. And they did it for everyone, even though my and somebody else's weren't due to expire yet. One of them is about to expire again, which brings me to third annoying Microsoftism.

Somehow, those crafty bastards got my cell phone number and have been leaving messages about renewing on it. I'll get in my truck once or twice a week and turn my phone on in case Kim needs something, and there'll be a message waiting on it. I've never given it to them, and I barely give it to anyone else for that matter. Then the other day I was just going to get a stack of dual–layer DVD+Rs, had the phone on, and it rang. Guess who. I told them they should not have that number and to remove it from their db.

Popular Science 1950

Cool. Google has old magazines online, like this Popular Science from February 1950. It's referred to as a "book monthly" in the first letter. It's close to 300 pages. What's surprising to me is that the advertising ratio rivals and surpasses that of today. The first 98 pages are ads, many full–page. At least they're more interesting than today's magazine ads:

Raise hamsters!

Learn how to hypnotize

DEAF?

Don't miss the article on page 156 about how they build Butler grain bins (in Enterprise, IA). There's also "Cones of Silence" on 157. Good thing KAOS didn't subscribe or they'd've had them before CONTROL did. Also, "Spot–Welding on Your Drill Press" on 230. That one made me stop and look at the pictures.

Mic Lover

Whoa. There's something very interesting about the way this really cute girl touches that big mic. Sexy voice too.

Nice Aspen

This very clean and rust–free Aspen wagon was in front of me on the way home from the convenience store today. It had some sort of chrome mags, though I never got a good side view. Kinda makes me nostalgic for my silver woodie. (You have 2 seconds to think of a joke.) I've always liked station wagons a lot. Even before Dad bought the Aspen I'd built a few models of wagons, thinking how cool it would be to have a car you could sleep in and make out with girls on that nice big flat floor. That turned out to be true. I was stoked when Dodge came out with the Magnum (the new one—the wagon—not the old one, although I did like those a bunch). And these days, most of the small SUVs are really just tall, short, and far less cool wagons. They need to make more. The big ass Chevy with the curved rear side windows was one of the best looking wagons ever made, as was the Vega wagon. I won't even get into the earlier models like this Dodge, because once you go there, nearly all of them are just so, well, dreamy. Oh, I can't forget the Ford Cruising Wagon, with its rainbow stripe and porthole! It doesn't get more groovy than that.



Fucking cheap cell phone camera in the piece of shit RazOr. The picture of the Pantera that Brent took with his iPhone looks a lot better, and it's about 50% larger.

Retrospect Update

I got the new version of Retrospect today. 8.1 adds PPC support, which I need for the MultiAd G5. 8.0 was Intel only, so I didn't buy it then. They drastically changed the UI ('bout goddamn time). The old one was confusing because things were in so many different places. The new one is totally different, but puts things in nearly as many different places. The one good thing is that there are no longer 17 places where you can set schedules. Each scripts has its own schedules and the prefs no longer has that. Yay. I hated that in the old one. There's also new nomenclature for almost every aspect, so not only do you have to hunt around in new places for something, you have to remember what it's now called.

The documentation leaves a lot to be desired, at least the stuff that comes when you purchase it online for download. There's only a quickstart manual that covers a lot of stuff, but not nearly everything. And their online "knowledge base" is still a joke.

While getting the sources set up, I was having trouble seeing the Mac Pro in the basement, which was plugged in via EtherNet to an old AirPort Express using WDS. While I was fucking with that, I realized that I no longer needed to go that route because the Mac Pro has an AirPort Extreme card in it. The old G5 that it replaced did not, which is why it was doing the extra hokey pokey. So at least now I'm getting 802.11n speeds, going straight to the base station via the card. Duh. Anybody wanna buy an old 802.11g AirPort base station and Express? Oh yeah, so now I can change the speed of my base station to 5GHz, since it no longer has to support 802.11b/g. Yeeha!

District 9

Holy fuck! Now this is a sci–fi movie that looks good, unlike the stupid remake of the classic no–need–to–be–remade The Day the Earth Stood Still. How can anybody watch that when it has numb–nuts in it?

Oh No, It's BoNo

I don't pronounce his name "bah-no", cuz it should rhyme with Bozo. He and his band should go away now. It's all disco crap wrapped in a thin veil of world peace and caring, which was once the band's primary goal. It's also slathered with a thick layer of commercial marketing fakery. Way back around their first 2 or 3 albums, they cared and wrote decent music that could be played by a 3–piece band on your basic rock instruments (drums, bass, guitar). Now it's all—to borrow from Dan Aykroyd, genius—pre–programmed electronic disco, and it's main goal is to sell you something you don't need. That something was once an iPod, then a Dell computer, and now a goddamn BlackBerry. I can mostly handle Vertigo, but anything else they've recorded in the past, what, 20 years just makes me nauseous.

Call Denny on the Duck Phone

For those of you not from eastern Iowa, there was a guy with a car dealership who had pert near 173 really crappy TV commercials on every day. In one of them, he had a duck phone (phone shaped like a duck decoy) on the desk. From that point on, he featured it in nearly every ad and usually said something like "gimme a call on the duck phone." So I give you this: A duck call stuck onto the blow–off valve of a turbo.

Gay Jay

Heh, funny. I bet Jay will laugh when he sees that.

Paper Lace

I don't recall hearing the Paper Lace version of Billy, Don't be a Hero. I really don't like the chick they have singing the girlfriend lines. I like the Bo Donaldson version much better, although the poor guy looks like he's constipated when he sings. But then, why am I even talking about this song? It's really not that good any way.

Don't Mess with Rachel

Here's one of the few 89–year old women who should be still driving. I love her wordless answer when he asks if she worries about being safe. You go granny!

B•I•C Speakers

Dig these vintage B•I•C speakers. I just barely remember that company. They're still around too, although they don't have anything that wild in their current catalog.

Fred Travawhosits?

Fred Travalena died. Don't remember him? I'm not surprised. He was the world's corniest, most unfunny impressionist. He was on Match Game a few times. Every time it would be his turn, he'd do an impression, and he's always start out by saying "this is Ronald Reagan, and, well…" or "this is Muhammad Ali, and I'm the greatest." Either he was an idiot, or he knew his impressions were so bad that nobody would know who he was trying to do, so he felt he had to tell us. Ugh. Good riddance.

Untruths in Advertising??

I'm shocked. I'm sure most people have noticed the deluge of really sickening internet ads over the past few months, ones for weight loss somethings (pills? Probably). They feature women showing before and after shots, usually side views. They make it really hard to eat my breakfast in the mornings as I'm catching up. But now they're just outright lying, showing completely different women in the befores and afters. Exhibit A:



There's no way anyone could make that change in 3 weeks. Plus, each woman's back ribs are in a different place; notice the line halfway down the back on the fat one, but just below the bra on the skinny one. Maybe the "1 easy diet tip" they're trying to dupe you into buying is to go to sleep and dream that you're 16, thin, and hot.

What a Gorgeous Day

Slept until about 10, ate some Peanut Butter Crunch, watched some TV, went to OPH for some buckwheat pancakes, played a little Forza and then sat outside while that digested, ran up and got 2 gallons of gas, came back and realized I was out of Lawnboy oil, cussed a lot, ran up the Ace to get some, mowed the yard, sat around some more with AirTunes pumped out to the deck. I started importing Friday night's gig video after we got back from lunch. 3 hours later and it's still importing. Why the fuck isn't FireWire the standard instead of fucking USB? How goddamn stupid is that? And why don't all auto manufacturers make sure that they get LCD displays for radios and nav systems that you can see when wearing polarized sunglasses? That's even more stupid. I hate driving Kim's car in the daytime and trying to see the display—gotta tilt my head to the left to get rid of the polarizing effect.

Great Gig

Even though the crowd wasn't all that big because of so many people heading out of town for the 4th, it was a really enthusiastic crowd, hoopin' and hollerin'. That's good news, because it meant the bar would book us again in the future. The sound onstage was really good too. They have both sides of the stage treated for sound, and there's a thick curtain sort of thing that covers the entire window behind the stage. They have an OK monitor off the side of the drum riser (which is big and solid), but it's so far away that I couldn't set my Gatorade on it or tape my set list to it and be able to read it.

The sound man was using a really cool PreSonus digital board. Check that thing out. Every channel has its own gate, compressor, and limiter, along with the usual EQ and stuff. Amazing. Plus built–in FireWire I/O and recording software. Plug it into a Mac and the software links up with the channels on the board and records all of them. One thing they mention in the "live" video is not needing the band to be there to do a sound check. Just play the previously recorded gig back through the board. Heh, cool.

Kim & I were starving afterward, so stopped at Perkins. We had cinnamon rolls and bacon. Really, can it get any better?

This evening we went over to Geoff & Carolyn's porch, then saw a couple town's fireworks from there off in the distance. I heard there's now a larger fine for using illegal fireworks. Maybe that's why the family down the street didn't do any this year. He always gets a shitload from Wisconsin and they fire them off for about an hour after they get back from watching the big ones. It gets pretty annoying after 10 minutes. And I especially don't like finding burnt up pieces of them on our deck the next morning, because you just know there are pieces on the roof, and who knows if any of them might've still been smoldering after landing.

Watched Quantum of Solace today. I liked it. The action starts right off, and it's filmed incredibly well. It really looked like all the shit was really happening, like Daniel Craig was really in a car being smashed against a wall with bullets flying all over. It is lacking gadgets though. Olga Kurylenko is plenty hot, even when she isn't naked. The absolute worst part of the film is the opening theme song. I started hating it within only a few bars. Then I found out why: It was fucking Jack White. God I hate him. Why does he think he's such a musical genius? Ugly stupid fuck.

Sixty Symbols

If you have some time you need to kill and would like to learn something during that time, go to Sixty Symbols and click a symbol. I like the guy with the scientist's afro, sorta Phil Spector–like. Who woulda guessed that the drinking bird (bottom–right symbol) confounded Einstein?

CD Printing

I was looking all over the web at CD printer reviews, trying to figure out the best one that wouldn't cost too much to run, and that would produce decent quality that didn't smear off (like ink jets), and that wouldn't plug up after sitting around unused for a few months (like ink jets). I was finding it really hard to decide which one was best (least sucky), so I called a place called DiscMakers that has everything from <$100 single–color to $multi–thousand bulk duplicators, hoping they would be able to answer some questions. The lady forwarded me to a sales guy who pointed me to a section of their web site for entering an order for disc duplication and printing. Bwuh? I didn't know they did that too. So I asked if they required me to get all that licensing bullshit done and he said no. They only require that we own the actual disc content (made by us). So yeefuckinha. They offer a really good range of choices for every detail, and the prices for small orders (we got 125) are very reasonable. We'll see how good the quality is after they arrive in a couple weeks. But judging by the quality of their web site and customer service and sales people I talked to, I'm guessing it'll be top notch. A number 1. The big cheese. Top dog.

Focus

Focus is still around. Who knew? The more I see of this band, the more I like them. One look at Hsjrkva van der Prtxhhh Thijs van Leer today and you can't help but feel the same. Here's a 17-minute epic from 2007.

Scramblorghini

I should swap the paint on the McLaren below and this Lamborghini. That way the "AIR" decals could go on the roof where the scoop is. But the old AMC Scrambler paint looks better on the McLaren because the body is more angular like the AMC. And I liked the name I made up for this one, although McScramblen would work too. This design was so wild, especially for AMC, and a total sign of the times in 1969. It was even 7 years too early for the bicentennial. The AMC fan would say they were ahead of their time, as witnessed by the Pacer.



Not sure why that one little wedge of white didn't get covered by the red. Not sure why I put the sorta 928–ish wheels on it.

Odds & Ends

I had to buy another 914 to do the Factory Specs race. I copied the John Player Special paint job onto it from my hopped–up 914. After I finished that I loaded it up with everything I could add. It had a ridiculous amount of power, and since the front end can't get any downforce added by air dams and whatnot, well, this is what happens when it goes really fast over a sharp peak and still have the rear wing adjusted for full downforce (going the wrong way on the front straight at Road America). After that, I sold it in an online auction to see how that went. It sold within the 24–hour period.



I also had to buy a McLaren F1 to do that Factory Spec race. For the helluvit, I did a '60s custom paint job on it. I always liked this technique. Ended up with over 400 circles.