Nice 'stache, Moaneeshah

Really, they don't sell razors in the ghetto?

Star Wars Holiday Special

I expected this to be really cheesy and kitschy. Nope, it's absolutely lame. It's so gay. Chewie's dad is named Itchy and his son is named Lumpy. Really? That's the best they could come up with? Half of the dialog is just Wookie grunts and gargles. I can't imagine even a little kid liking it back then. Princess Leia and Diahahihnhann Carrrrollllllll sing. Jefferson Starship play space rock. Art Carney plays his annoying old self. Harvey Korman and Maude interact somehow. I let it load overnight and tried to watch it this morning between builds and stuff. After the gay circus hologram thing that Tubby Lardo Lumpy watches on his hologram table with built–in old tape recorder buttons, I couldn't take any more and ended up scrubbing through it to find the neat old commercials, including a horrible one for the union label with people singing and a CBS Newsbreak with a woman with the personality of a brick… a business brick, whatever that is. But look at cute little Valerie Bertinelli pitching Bobby Vinton's Rock n' Rollers special at 1:06:08 ("it's like Grease on wheels").

Tits and Chimps

What the?


Chimpies

Ali and His Gang vs. Mr. Tooth Decay

That's the actual title of this record. Ali as in Muhammad. It also features Frank Sinatra, Richie Havens, and Howard Cosell. I'm not making this up. I'm downloading it now.

Honky Isn't Spelled with an E

This must be a record of teenage bubblegum pop. No? Well then maybe christian adult contemporary? Preteen Disney sing–alongs? Liberal smelly hippy folk?

Thanks, Salem

I'm pretty sure the reason why they no longer allow cigarette commercials on TV was because this one was just too goddamn corny. It ruined cigarette commercials forever.